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Dealing with Childhood Abandonment
Nobody talks about the pain of childhood abandonment. When someone mentions “abuse”, we almost always instantly think of physical abuse. What about the invisible abuse? Why doesn’t anyone talk about the rupture that occurs when the child’s parents are absent and neglectful?
Effects of childhood abandonment:
-A sense of unease — you never feel safe or comfortable. There is a constant worry that you’re not ok and that danger is looming.
-Depression — because you are not “mirrored” back to by anyone, you don’t see yourself reflected. You miss out on positive reinforcement. And then you lose energy and your mood sinks. You think you’re a terrible person. You think that you have nothing worthwhile to offer anyone and that you don’t deserve anything because no one encouraged or supported you as a kid.
-Blame —and worst of all, you think YOU caused the painful abandonment, when really it was the carelessness and betrayal of the parents — their inability to attune to the child and give love in the way that was needed. That love was not given on a steady, consistent basis so the child grows up with a deeply shattered sense of self with no grounding or inner stability. The child doesn’t fully develop its identity because it is always in survival mode.
